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Happy Thanks Giving Day!

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 26, 2009, 2:14 PM


Be grateful for every moment and every person that has made a change in your life. Even the bad ones because those help us become stronger so we don't get hurt the same way twice and so we get hurt half as much by the next.
The news have told about several death's by accidents, sickness and even suicide happening yesterday or today's morning.
Yet, there are people who will feel it's a horrible day for other reasons while their loved ones are still alive and fine, even if not with them at the moment.

Today I spent the day home sleeping. Grandpa's the one who usually does the family gathering for dinner but he's currently at the US taking care of his dying father.

And so Christmas has officially started and I was already asked what would I ask for Christmas this year. What did I want.

Well....if I think about it nothing really comes to mind. There's nothing material I -need-.
So, I won't ask for anything. All I want for Christmas is for my friend to get his health back and be happy. That's all I want, that's all I'll ask for...

This is also the season of depression for those who are already susceptible to it, and I'm already feeling it. I've learned to control it, but sometimes all I can do is sleep it off. :/

And I also have to be doing an assignment of making a pocket reference guide of 45 medicaments with their doses and side effects.

******************************************************************
________________________________________ __________________________

Help my ill friend!
Drawing: [link]
Journal: [link]

I have created a Paypal account to accept donations. It can be anything you want even $1.

Donate here: [link]
The donation page should say Ray Flores.


  • Mood: Winter Downs

Birthday boy...

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 18, 2009, 9:53 PM


...he doesn't look too good. He was laying down like I told him but in the living room's sofa because he wanted to still try and be a host, but he was so weak and so drugged. Was like he was falling asleep, like he had no energy left. He spoke very slowly and softly and would pause often to catch his breath. I fed him, he had a bowl of cereal(without milk) that he was grabbing with his hands but even that looked like an effort to him. His hands were stiff, he barely moved his fingers, so I fed him instead, then mom got him something to drink with a straw and I gave him that too. He said he felt like a king~

I kept calm, because he doesn't like to see me sad when I see him ill but I wanted to cry. I hate seeing him like that, so weak and in pain at random moments when his muscles decided to spasm and all I could do was stare and wish I could mentally tell his body to stop hurting.

If he winced or made a painful sound when I touched him I'd get my hands away from him quickly because sometimes even the most gentle touch will cause him pain. He says it feels like it's burning and that his whole body felt as if he had been beaten up and got punched everywhere, his feet like there had pins in them and his arms and legs as if someone was gripping them really hard and not letting go.

Today was his birthday and I wished he had been in a better state so he could enjoy it... He was happy though, that we were there and for the gifts. I had asked for donations at my institute and raised $40, mom gave him $40, a friend donated $15 and I added $5 more to complete his $100. My gift was a table that he could prop over his torso and use the laptop from there and be comfortable with it without the need to hold it or strain his neck and arms to type in it.

Asked him what he was gonna do with the money and he had no idea because he didn't imagine he'd get so much money. I told him that as soon as he was strong enough we'll take him to the mall "so my little boy can go buy his toys~" he smiled when I said that.

Everyone who can't help with a donation help me this way, pray with me so a miracle happens... someone finds some cure, some special treatment...something, anything to make him better. Make his life easier and not full of pain. He always feels so horrible saying he's worth nothing and he's a burden and a weight on anyone but he's the most wonderful person I've ever met and he doesn't deserve all this he's gotten. Why does this sort of things happen, I don't know. How the nice people get such horrible things happening to them. He deserves better, much better. I won't stand a world were such an angel has to suffer so. So pray with me, or wish, or meditate or whatever it is you do. If I could give up every single cel from my own body to heal him I would.

I want him healthy...
I want him happy...
I want him safe...


  • Mood: Tired

Special Petition Birthday gift

Journal Entry: Mon Nov 16, 2009, 5:10 PM


As I've done for the past 2 years, here goes again.

It's my dear friend's birthday on wednesday and I would like anyone who can to wish him a happy birthday and maybe send him a nice happy message for him.

His email: captact@yahoo.com

I always like how happy he looks when he sees an inbox full of "HAPPY BIRTHDAT!!!"s. So write that as a subject and then write him anything you'd like.

For those new to my account and don't know about my friend go here:

[link]

He's got Idiopathic Inflammatory Myopathy(constant muscle degeneration. Keep in mind the heart and lungs are muscles too so it's dangerous), a type of Muscular Dystrophy and he's my art teacher and a wonderful person too.

Right now he's in bed again. Had a scare with his son who ran off while playing at the park and he couldn't find him. From the stress he started walking back and forth calling him and almost running all thanks to pure adrenaline because he can't even walk too fast and then the kid came back with his mom. He had gone back home. But the scare, the walking and everything just wrecked his body and he ended in bed with full muscle weakness and in a lot of pain and couldn't even swallow right and had trouble breathing. Wasted his body. I haven't been able to go see him yet and allowed him to rest too. Through email he told me everything and also how he got visited by several people including a priest who prayed for him. The day he told me what happened and how he was in a lot of pain and was gonna take more pills I got very scared because he's nearly overdosed himself before when in desperation for the pain to go away he would take too many medications at once so I didn't sleep that night(saturday) until next morning he told me he was fine and didn't abuse his meds. I will go see him on wednesday for his birthday and if he's strong enough, take him out to the mall friday in his wheelchair so he can choose his birthday gift. I'll be the one who decides if he's coming out or not depending in what condition I see him(I treat him like a nurse because of how much I worry and want to care for his health)


And if anyone would like this moment to donate to his cause that'll be just wonderful:

Donate here: [link]

We use the money to buy him anything he needs to ease his way of life and help his recovery and general health anything not used is stored in the bank for any emergency he needs like a trip to the hospital because his plan doesn't cover the ER and some treatments. So far his meds are covered at least.

I should have posted this a while ago but I just plain forgot with all the school work I had these days.

So please do me this favor and help him out, cheer him up. You can just say I told you to do it or something, just as long as you put a smile on his face that day. :P
Thank you all who have helped him in the past, who still are and for those who will. Thank you very much. You don't know how much this means to me. His happiness is my happiness because I love him so much.


  • Mood: Tired

Hey, guys...

Journal Entry: Thu Nov 12, 2009, 10:37 PM


I'm sooooo sorry I've been around pretty much NOTHING online to chat or answer comments or emails or get my butt moving to make those drawings I owe(again...)

I don't know if it's the new pills I was prescribed to help with my knee/joint pain, which works nicely by the way, hasn't hurt as much since I started with them but long term use damages the liver. Regular joint pain refuses to budge certain days though, but I'm sort of used to that one now. :/
My dear friend told me about this brand Osteo Biflex, but when I went check into a Wallgreens the things were worth almost $40! Jesus! DX
However I know found that there's supposed to be a $9.99 box. I'll have to check again in another store. If they're more expensive than that, can't get. I haven't even been able to buy my multivitamins because they are $35 as I even had to give mom what money I was given because car's asking for various things again. (Because she won't listen the first time I tell her I hear something different with it and should get it checked but waits until the noise is loud and whatever it was already broke and then broke other things too)

Back from my train of thought derailment...

So yeah, dunno if meds or what, but I feel...withdrawn... I get home from class to sleep sometimes, but even after I wake up later I night I don't really feel like being social. Mostly because I won't stay long and hate saying "Hi and bye" quickly.

Perhaps I should look closely at those med side effects...

Or perhaps this is another of my phases.

At least let me tell you that things have been going good in my life. There isn't really anything (That I can tell) that is bothering me or subtly depressing me just a bit 'til I realize what later like some other times. In fact, something really, really nice is happening but won't talk about it to not jinx or ruin it because I really want it to last, but let me tell you I'm feeling happy and even if not-so-good things happen, that ONE wonderful thing keeps them down.

Let's see...what else...
Well, lots of studying for class because we've been getting a lot of pharmaceutical info and I'm worried about a sudden test with so much material we have already.

There IS a test tomorrow but a practical one. How to perform A Cephalocaudal Exam: literally, to evaluate a patient from head-to-toe.
Start at the top of the head looking for lesions, fractures, deformations, edema, etc... to cervical bones(neck spine area) ears, faces, eyes, clavicle, chest(lungs and their sound) abdomen(if there's liquids or if it's stiff and shouldn't be). there go up to clavicle, arms then down again to hip, thigh, knee, leg and finally toes. All while looking for specific things and saying out loud what they are, of course, so prof. knows you know what you're doing. If patient/model tells you something is happening to them, something hurts, whatever, you must ask according to what to figure out what he could have. The practice was actually doing it and nothing copied down, but since I was one of the first to do it I started making notes and ended up with 2 pages full of them including a whole page drawing of a figure (Had to draw something).

Oh and that's another thing. I STILL have not been able to draw at all! DX
The only thing I've done are random doodles on the classroom's white board to amuse the prof or classmates. So at least I'm letting a few bits out to not go mad from lack of it. And yesterday at an appointment I started, -started- a sketch of my char. It's still in those red, almost invisible lines I do before going to actual pencil...

That's also part of my being withdrawn feeling. :/

Anyway, I wrote here to tell you guys I do miss you. My friends who always find a way to contact me and tell me the same themselves. Just bare with me, ok? I'll hopefully be back soon.
Oh, and I start vacations on December 17 so maybe then I'll be around longer. (we're also gonna do rappelling those days as extra classes~)

And that's it. Thanks guys for caring and being so nice to me. I really love you all. Those around me are my life. Wouldn't have a reason to live if I was alone. So I'm not just gonna stop being a friend...I just get my periods of anti-socialness or whatever they are. ^^;


  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: not even in the mood for music...

Physical Conditioning: Day 2

Fri Nov 6, 2009, 7:41 PM
  • Mood: Tired
  • Drinking: LOTS of water: dehidration side-effect from meds
Once again, another very long read even while trying to not say every detail I always get carried away. ^^;

This time I actually liked it!

Thought it was as hard as before, but now they didn't abuse or used punishing exercises as much.

This time I was named Team Leader because when they told us to "Fall in" I was the first to stand in front of the instructor. XD;

First thing I told the instructors I'd do push ups and run and whatever but no jumping jacks because I wrecked my knees last time and they're still hurt. Now, I finally went to a doc that told me what happened. Turns out I'm flat footed(couldn't tell because I do have a bit of a curve) so that gives me bad balance and can't do running/jogging and when I did too many squats I put too much pressure on my knees from that unbalance and then, days later with the way too many jumping jacks devastated them.
Yesterday was allowed to do another kind of exercise. while the others did the jumping jacks. Then we did a decent amount of push ups and more warming up stuff.

First exercise:
Take a victim in a "longboard"(imagine a surfboard with holes around the edges for holding), carry him/her(whoever was slimmest for less weight), walk over pieces of wood again and around cones then back. But this time it wasn't at the parking lot but at a new one they're building at the institute and it's sloped so we were climbing a bit. Again they would tell you things to bother you and annoy you. When it was my turn I got all the way through but on the way back I was out of breath and started hyperventilating hardcore, it felt very much near a panic attack because I got tearful too, or maybe I got scared. The instructor then had to hold the longboard for me as I also started shaking and told me to sit, then they walked me to the shadows, laid me on my back and raised my legs until my breathing normalized and I could sit up to drink water.
I felt so frustrated. DX It wasn't the weight, I could handle it fine, better than last time actually thanks to the routines (upper body to rest hurt knees)I've followed paying up. I've been doing 100+ abs every day and some resistance band stuff for the arms, chest and body and some push ups when Prof. told us about the new training day. It must have been because the other instructor was rushing us and I sped up a lot and got tired too fast.

Anyway, after everyone else was done with that exercise one of the instructors(the hardcore one) walked us away a bit and told us to hold our arms in front of us for a while and to not drop them. The first few seconds seemed simple enough but after a while the shoulder muscle started to burn real bad. Every time the instructor turned away we'd do something to ease the pain, I kept scolding the guy next to me because he kept them half folded and was worried he'll punish us. When the instructor noticed he said "Look, the little girly's tired, ok let's change, now move them up and down" That hurt more! I started saying things loud and growling to "let out the pain" and swaing back and forth on my feet but I did NOT drop my arms~ Yay. Things like "This feels AWESOME!" "BUUUUURNS!" "WHOOO!" Instructor smiled and said "That's it!" XD
Then we did do the push ups, I had brought gloves this time for and I did them fine too. Only my knees on the ground were killing me. Little rocks here and there.

Second Exercise:
Pick up the victim from the ground, someone by the back(wrapping arms around torso and holding the person's crossed arms on chest to pull up in a secure grip) and someone holding the legs up, cross cones, place on a blanket, carry to longboard with safety belts and bring him back. The first guys that tried it had left their water bottles behind after the instructor said not to. When he asked who was the owner of one they said it was from the guy playing the victim at the moment and he took it and walked over to them on their way back. He said "Your friends told me this was yours and you were thirsty" and then proceeded to empty then nearly full bottle all over the poor guy. I couldn't help but whisper to someone next to me "Son of a b***!" and the others were gaping and only halfheartedly laughing... that was a bit much. Guy was really upset. Instructor said "They were the ones who said it was yours" and the guy said "But it was you who poured over me!" He was boiling mad but said nothing else. He's also a new kid, so he just got initiated with that...
The next group had a whining girl saying she didn't want to get wet and again, on their way back, this time out Prof. walked to them and said "And suddenly it starts raining!" and threw water all over them. At least that one had more humor to it.

When it was my turn, I said I should take the legs because I was still shaky from earlier and the instructor said "A paramedic can't make up limitations" and I got my pride back and gave it my all. The first time I had done that at class I failed to pick up the shortest, slimmest girl. This time it was a male, slim but heavier than that girl by quite a lot. When I picked him up I didn't even feel the strain I did before! So that alone motivated me more. We crossed the cones did the blanket, then grab the blanket by the edges and pull him up to another longboard. The girl helping me was also a girl that failed picking someone up but at least she did a good job with the blanket. At the long board I had trouble getting the safety belts because they were under it and I took a while there(But it was a good rest XD; ) That's where the Prof. came over again telling us we took so long a rain cloud came by and started pouring again. It was actually refreshing from the hot sun. XD
I did finish that exercise and Prof. congratulated me on the good job. An instructor also praised what I did when I needed to readjust my hands on the board. I'd place it on top of my thigh to do it. That sort of came by instinct, I didn't want to put it on the floor and have to pick it up again.

Last exercise: The one I think was just AWESOME but also the hardest.
A girl got tied to a longboard very securely (to test just how,[or to bug her probably as I don't think they'd do it if they weren't sure], they turned her upside down and shook her. Her face was priceless as well as ours I bet) We had to stay in line, and pass her along with our hands, when the first people left go they had to move to the end of the line to grab her again and so on. I compared it to a millipede's way of walking or working ants. We went all the way 'till the inside of the building (air conditioner break), and there we changed our way of going to the end of the line by having to get on our knees and crawl under the board to get to the other side as if the walls were to close to us to go behind the others. THAT'S where I wrecked my knees. Mostly the skin. I now have a large bruise on each and won't be able to kneel over for a while. We reached some stairs, went down (just 5-6 steps) then doubled back and now we switched to sitting on the floor and passing the board over our heads and backwards. Got outside again and went up the slope.
I really loved that exercise!

Then, when all was over we went back to the classroom for a final critique, the instructor to remind us and reassure the new guys their words and action are never personal, told us we did better than the group from another town's institute and then we got pizza!

And that's that. :]

I am now all sore and achy from all that but at least I got the full weekend to recover.

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